Since this is my first post as a new member of IWSG, I thought I should share with you something that has been plaguing my mind lately.
Balance.
How to find balance with this recent shift in my focus. It used to be that I was a mom 24/7. I'm still a mom, but I also have to fit in time for writing, reading, blogging, critiquing, etc. Oh, and did I mention revising, querying, and keeping up with social media? Are there enough hours in the day to fit all this in? I feel as though I'm on overdrive.
My head barely hits the pillow each night before I'm shooting out of bed to make breakfast, fix lunches, and usher kids out the door to school the next morning. By the time I get all the kids to their various destinations, I have a couple hours with an active two-year-old at home before I start the pick-up/carpool process. My car could auto-pilot its way to my children's schools because we travel there so much. In fact, many times I drive the entire way to pick them up from school in a trance-like state and am surprised to find myself pulling up into the carpool line. How did I get here?
But sorry, I digress.
There simply aren't enough hours in the day. I haven't written anything since before Christmas and I feel as though my creativity well is drying up. I need to write. No, seriously. I NEED to write.
So I ask myself. Is there anything I can remove from my day? The amount of time I exercise? Nope, already nonexistent. Food? Do we have to eat everyday? If we didn't, I could shave off several hours in preparing, feeding, and cleaning up meals. And think of the dishes... no dirty dishes! Not practical? But it would be so nice...
I think blogging has put me over the edge. I see the need to connect with other writers and it has been AMAZING these past couple months as I've "met" so many other inspiring writers and authors. BUT, I feel as though any extra time I have is spent blogging instead of writing.
Anyways, I'm in need of finding the right balance.
Do you have any suggestions on how I can do this? All you mothers/writers/bloggers out there, how do you balance it all?
Be sure to check out the others in IWSG here.
Oh, it's your first ISWG post. Good for you. (Uh, I say that like I've done a first ISWG post.) Nope. Still too chicken. Maybe I'll finally sign up next month.
ReplyDeleteSheri at Writer's Alley
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You should sign up! It wasn't as scary as I thought it would be! :)
DeleteWelcome to the IWSG! I'm the mom of four boys (19, 17, 16, and 13) and there are times when I look back at the past nineteen years and I think, wow...I survived them! And amazingly, I feel like I am busier with them now than when they were in diapers. So many things to keep up with.
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, platitudes don't help you right now, instead...here's how I found the balance: I use the notes feature on my iPod to write when I am on the go. You know, while waiting for kids to come out of practice, etc? And when I do have a few hours (gasp...one day it will happen!) I divide that time between blogging/networking and writing. I troll the blogs with a timer running (I am a blog reading junkie...I could start and go all day!) and when it goes off, I go write. Then I pat myself of the back for getting something done. Sure it took me five years to write my first book, but hey...none of my kids are in jail so I did something right ;)
Best of luck! I hope it helps...and if I could ever be of any assistance, hit me up. Been there. Done that. Ruined a crapload of tee shirts.
So nice to meet a mom of 4 boys! You know how loud and crazy it can be! :)
DeleteThank you for insight on how you're making it work. I like the timer idea for reading other blogs, that might be really helpful for me!
It's always difficult to find a balance. Blogging fits where you make it fit. Once a week, once every two weeks, once a month? Really, it has to fit you, not the other way around. Also keep in mind there are seasons. You're in full-blown family mode right now. Of course it's utter insanity. My oldest is now 13, youngest 7, and I'm looking at the reality. My oldest will be out of the house in 5 years. The time flies. The years I have them under my roof is so limited and I better make the most of it. The other thought that comes again and again is that dirty dishes or unclean laundry is not the end of the world. And finally, organization leads to peace. I've taught my littles to do chores and help around the house. We may not always make it, and it may take more effort than seems reasonable sometimes, but their help--as they get older and more responsible--is invaluable. Mine know what I'm trying to do right now, and they support me like I support them. We have conversations all the time about what each of us is trying to accomplish, and usually they are willing to do their part to help.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Crystal. Great reminder that sometimes it's okay to let things go.
DeleteThankfully, my little ones also help out a lot, so that has been a nice change as they've gotten older. Teach 'em young, that's the key! :)
Balance is tough. If I couldn't blog from work, I'd never keep up.
ReplyDeleteMaybe scale back the blog to one day a week and then write the other days.
And welcome to the IWSG!
I'm still amazed you can keep up with all you do! I keep hearing talk of clones? :)
DeleteScaling back is a great suggestion. Happy to be a part of the IWSG!
I have definitely gone in "seasons" with my blog as well. For the first couple of years I blogged every.single.day. But then once baby #2 got older, going through another move, and then having baby #3 I was barely blogging once a month. I wanted to, but everything else in life was so busy...and if I tried to take a few minutes out of my day to actually blog, I didn't enjoy it because things were going haywire everywhere else!
ReplyDeleteBut aside from the blogging part adding to your feeling out of balance, I feel the same way! Once the normal part of the daily grind is out of the way there's no time for anything else. Which just plain out stinks. I'm with you...when you find the secret for balance let me know! :-) ...until then I'll be behind you running the kids into school late! :-) lol
LOL Thanks, Stephanie!! It is crazy trying to balance it all right now. See you at school! :)
DeleteI have 5 grown children. I don't think I could've survived blogging and writing when they were little. I understand your dilemma. Does your 2 year old take a nap? Leave the mess and take this quiet time to write. Or after the kids are in bed, give yourself an hour to write. Write first and blog once in a while. But these years will be your best years ever!! I wish mine were little again. Relax and enjoy them and you'll squeeze in the time.
ReplyDeleteGreat advice! I do find that the best time for me is at night. I just need to remind myself that they are only little for so long. You are wonderful!! :)
DeleteThankfully it is just me and a couple of cats, so I can find plenty of time, I just ignore the 9-5 and I'm good to go lol
ReplyDeleteLOL Even the 9-5 can be pretty demanding! Thanks for stopping by! :)
DeleteI'm exhausted just hearing about your days, Kristin. But don't beat yourself up too much. The fact that you are writing, even if it is blogging, is a step in the right direction. Good for you! Keep up the habit, and yes do make it a habit. Balance is often reached through developing habits. I have a lot of writing friends who got up 1/2 hour before the kids and wrote, no matter what they wrote. Or stayed up late. And babysitters don't have to be just for going out, they can also be for staying at the keyboard. One day at a time. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteLOL Thanks, Elizabeth! Great advice. I think I'm going to make that my motto now... "One day at a time." Awesome!
DeleteJoin the club! I've had to cut back on blogging considerably because of all the other things I do (I used to blog everyday on 2 blogs. I still have 2, but I blog once a week on one, and whenever I can on the other, which ends up being about 4 or 5 days a week.) I would continue to blog, if you can. Just cut back on the frequency.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit, I never realized how intense blogging could be. I just thought, "oh, this will be fun." I will definitely keep it up, but maybe decrease the frequency. Great advice! Thanks! :)
DeleteBalance for a writer is often like juggling 6 or 7 balls in the air at a time. I'm trying to blog once a week, but sometimes life just gets in the way.
ReplyDeleteI like how you put that, "sometimes life just gets in the way".... So true!! Thanks for stopping by! :)
ReplyDeletepriorities are so hard to get where you need to be where you have time for "everything". the best thing is to take your time and know that you're okay to take a break for you and your family whenever you need!
ReplyDeleteSo true! Thanks, Tammy!
DeleteWelcome, Kristin! Thanks for visiting.
ReplyDeleteI'm not one to advise. I have no kids or spouse. I have found, though, that blogging doesn't necessarily take away from writing. It helps. Besides making me a better writer, I often tie in my blog writings with my novel or other pieces I'm working on. I've also stopped responding to every comment on my blog itself. Rather, I make visits and comment that way. (It saves a bit of time.) You learn shortcuts as you go.
Take care,
xoRobyn
Thanks Robyn! You rock! I'm all about finding time savers! :)
DeleteThis hit home for me. I'm struggling to find balance, as well. While I don't work, I do run a busy household of 4 to 8 people (numbers depend on day of the week. There is my partner and myself, and between us we have 6 kids)
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to schedule my blogging/connecting/social media time throughout the week. During school hours. I find using a calendar is a lifesaver. I actually use Evernote, and I can sync it through my laptop, online, and my smartphone, so that I can make/take notes anywhere and it will sync to all my devices.
Hang in there. I don't know if it gets any easier, but remember if you miss a few days, or a week, or a month, don't beat yourself up too much about it. Life goes on.
Your household does sound VERY busy! You know exactly what I'm referring to! It can get crazy trying to keep up with it all, but I love how you pointed out that life goes on. So true!
DeleteI know what you’re going through Kristin. I felt the same way a few months after I entered the realm of social media. I wrote a post or two about it. Like you, I realized my writing was suffering. I had tipped the scale completely over to the social media side. Most of the time I spent on my laptop was to read and comment on the blogs of others. Then I came across this Neil Gaiman quote and it helped put things in the proper perspective.
ReplyDelete“I had become someone who professionally replied to emails and wrote as a hobby. I started to answer fewer emails and was relieved to find I was writing much more.”
That quote is near my laptop as a reminder to focus on what is most important about this journey…the writing! Now the scale is in balance (most days). I make writing a priority. I don’t spend as much time reading and commenting anymore (although that may be surprising given the length of THIS comment).
Plus, there’s an app for that! There is a WordPress app you can use with your iphone. When you’re waiting in line at carpool, etc. take that time to read and comment on other blogs. Use the time in front of your computer to write!
It also helps me to schedule my posts in advance (I have some scheduled as far out as May). And my crock pot is a godsend! Love that thing! I would try to keep exercise in your routine, though. Believe it or not, you need it to stay fit to write. Plus, I get some of my best ideas when I’m exercising.
Best of luck to you and keep writing on your blog, but don’t sweat the rest of the social media thing :-)